Miss You Harish

This is my first “Miss You” blog I write and I make my silent prayers to the one in heaven that I wouldn’t have to write one more like this .

I write when I don’t raise my voice on an issue, when I don’t know how to react to a particular situation ,when I am helpless and when I think out aloud..In a nutshell my blogs are the outcome of my inability, my helplessness on things that happen around me and about what goes out of my control.
 I ve lost him now. Another sad plight where I was able to do nothing, except for being a mute spectator. I miss him terribly and i want to put it in words so that I would feel better.

I was in Adyar cancer hospital to visit my friends kid admitted for a tumor surgery.My heart melted.This was when I had my calling. The calling to unveil the meaning of my life.

A week later, I walked into Adyar Cancer Institute for the Kids. I spoke to Dr.Ranga there who told me that i could work part time here. There was always shortage of volunteers here unlike other ngos.
I walked through the whole corridor of the hospital. Only then I realized that the kids here were quarantined. Their cancer cells had put down their immune system completely. Unlike other kids they stayed away from their homes, they never went to schools, they never played for long hours(not even minutes), they were always dehydrated,tired and that their taste-buds never sensed anything anymore.
I chose to teach those special kids.That was on my second day when I met him. He sat for my evening class and i was reading to them when i heard a feeble voice
.“akka enaku vayiru valikudu”(my stomach hurts)

 I went near the six year old kid and the next instant he twirled in pain clenching his stomach, I ran through the long corridor screaming loud, so that the warden could hear me. The doctors then took the kid to the emergency room. I was then told that the kid was suffering from stomach cancer and his digestive cells are not functioning anymore and wouldn’t make up more than a month. He was fighting hard against this evil cancer. His parents had a ray of hope that he would go through a miraculous recovery and had not taken him home

.The next day I got him a Ben-10 t-shirt( I assumed every kid loves ben10). Little did I know that these kids were never exposed to cartoon channels. I was embarrassed when the kid asked me who Ben-10 was and when I had no clue either. I gave my usual sheepish-smile. He said with a smile” paravala,irundalum ungalukaga potukuren akka”(anyways I will wear it for you)

He wore it next day for the class and had been my favorite kid since then. He was sweet, he was naughty, he questioned me about everything, he was on his laughing fits every time I sung for him, he kissed me every time I asked for one, he walked me till I stepped out of the gate every time I left the place.
I have never helped someone when they were sick, when they puked(even when my dad was sick).I have never held urinal pads, I have never stroked a child when it sleeps, I ve never prayed for anyone else’s well being and I was doing all of it here. For the only reason-God had given me another chance.

It was then when all my life puzzles fell in place .The reason ,why I was in chennai leading my life aimlessly , why i had never made wise decisions in my life earlier, why I had left every opportunity let go,why I am not married yet and most importantly it answered my question why I lived in this planet.

Last Thursday, the kid was on its death bed and was taken home.I was called on Saturday night to see him. He lay on the bed unmoving; the kid had shooting pains all through the day. He was tired and still managed to smile at me. I controlled myself not to cry there. I dint want to hurt him. His parents were already wounded. I stayed there all night singing and reading for him. I was  not able to come back to my place even on Sunday morning.

I wanted to pray for the kid for a painless death. I walked out of his home and visited Santhome church. I sat there for hours-don’t know how long, when I finally gathered myself to walk to his home. I saw him lying wrapped in a white fabric-on the coffin box.

It more than 24 hours since this has happened and I am still not able to come out of this. Why did GOD not heed to his prayers? Why doesn’t god treat everyone the same? Why so much of indifference? Why cant GOD acquire all drunkards and smokers life and spare this kids life? Why doesn’t god give us brainy heads in this world and let them find a cure for this terrible life taking disease? All these questions in life remain unanswered.